Am I Not Important Anymore?

At first there was me. Only me. Then came this little helpless human being whose very survival in this planet was entrusted to me. So fragile that I was afraid I would crush her if I hugged her too tight. My world started revolving around her. Feed her, shower her, clean her, get clothes, make sure we don’t run out of milk powder, baby food and the other 1001 things babies need. Worry about her safety , ensure she is well taken care of when I not with her and ensure I give her my best when I am with her. Then came another little helpless human being. The same things repeated over again but with less worry and stress, more efficient as now I have experience.

The Little Beings - Heerraa & Harsha

As I watch these 2 girls grow I experience joy and love for another human being like I never did before. They came before me. As hungry as I was I would make sure that they are not first. They looked good. Got the toys that they should have. Learned well from the best school. Watched the right TV programs. As tired as I was, I listened to their stories at night. Tiring yet awesomely fulfilling days. I was busy planning weekend to take them to meet Barbie or Teen Titans … how can I expose them to the fun out there coming out with the experience of a memorable childhood and have the zest for life.

Heerraa & Hasrha at Music Exams - The Young Teens

Pretty young ladies.

Time passed and they grew into young teenagers. The first signs started when they no longer wanted to follow me around on errands. The stories they shared with me was shorter and that I realized I was to be blamed as I was busier at work and spent less time with them resulting in me not really noticing the little changes growing teens face.  Realizing this I quickly made changes, talking to them more, spending quality time with them … slowly transiting my relationship from mother to friend. Here on life became even more awesome. It was living your teenage years again just without the insecurities. Sharing my deepest secrets, my mistakes in life, me being vulnerable, willing to listen to them, work on their ideas and at times learn from them … brought us to a different level  of intimacy … one that the closet of friends share.

Meet ET Ideas Family @ ET Ideas Awards Nite 2017

Meeting ET Ideas have enabled me and both my daughters to grow beyond my ability to imagine. We have become more aware of our thoughts, words and action more than ever before ….  our programming, the power of the subconscious mind and how to slowly reprogram it to our goals. We have learned how powerful our thoughts are and our ability to manifest our reality, … and still learning. Both my daughters got International School Scholarships within 6 months of setting the goal. There got a band together and started performing , then started writing songs and doing solo performances. Getting straight A stars in exams. They wrote a book which is now being edited.

Ascendance, me and Elango

Then they joined Ascendance. A team of young dynamic youngsters set out to share their experiences to their peers to make the world a happier and better world. They started meeting sponsors and started doing workshops at schools. They started meeting companies for branding partnership. I was very proud of them … they were achieving results way beyond their peers. This is when I started doing some really weird things.

I was getting annoyed with them with the little things they did … or rather the things they didn’t do … like pick up the laundry or clean the table and go ballistic on them. I started worrying about their safety although I knew they were in safe hands and started imposed curfew times. I started regulating their study times although they are doing exceptionally well in school. I started telling them what they should and should not do. Telling them how they should do their calls and their meetings and workshops because I knew better since I am experienced and doing it well. Well … you can say full mum mode activated!

They were treading gingerly around me afraid I would get upset, which seems to be happening a lot. Luckily for me I was wise enough to see this and quickly go to my mentor and ask him what is happening to me? He smiled and answered, ‘This is not about them. This is about you. You are just not feeling important anymore’.

I sat dumfounded while he explained. ‘You have done well. You have guided them well. Now they have grown wings and began to fly on their own. No longer needing the same amount of support as before. No longer needing the same amount of care as before. They know how to eat when they are hungry and where to find the food. They know how to find transport to get to where they want to go. They know how to present at meetings. They know how to do their workshops. How to listen to their hearts and make decisions related to their goals, like not wanting to go to college and continue working on their goals as they are now. You are just not feeling important anymore. You are just being … well in plain terms selfish … it’s not about them anymore, it has become about you.”

As much as my intellect understood what he said and agreed, my emotions could not comprehend it. I just stared at him blankly. It took me a few days to come to terms with it … to accept it. A few more days to digest it. Then I went to Elango again and asked him … “So, what do I do?”

He asked me “Do you want the best for them?” I replied “Yes, I do” Then he said, “First be truthful to them and to yourself … accept and acknowledge what you feel … and express it to them. The emotions will reduce over time. Second, don’t stand in their way … don’t box their ideas, don’t impose your ideas and beliefs on them … don’t let go your emotions on them … do SIEP, ask yourself, is it about them or you? Why are you feeling these emotions, what is nature teaching you?”

That was a bitter pill! Being vulnerable and truthful was really difficult. Difficult to let them see these selfish thoughts … this seemingly ‘not good’ side of me, afraid they will lose respect for me maybe even not love me anymore. But the truth has its power. It set me free. And it set them free. They saw is as my strength and their respect and love for me grew. They were grateful to me for owning up and being truthful.

The second one was even more difficult to do. To keep quiet. To not interfere especially when Elango is teaching them … to not interfere and defend them or not to warn them the mistakes they might make. It was extremely difficult for me to let them make mistakes. Elango explained how else are they going to learn? I learnt to let go. To let them be free, to be truly independent … to try and make mistakes and learn and grow … always reminding myself that we are fortunate to have Elango guide us, he will not let us fall … he is teaching.

2017 New Year Dinner  - Joyce & Rammya the other 2 pillars in their lives. 

Now, once again it’s about them. Our relationship has transformed to a higher level once again …  and they are smart kids, they know when to ask me for help when needed. They even know when to ask Elango and other ET Ideas Associates help and guidance when needed. I am truly proud of them and of myself and how we have grown … and they in turn are proud of me.

Heerraa, Harsha and me - working on Globetrotter Consultancy's client project

This happened a few months ago. Why am I writing this blog now? …. Because my heart asked me to write and the words flowed …  making sense of it, it maybe because many of my friends are in a similar juncture with their kids but may not be aware of what is happening to them … and even if they are aware, they don’t have Elango to guide them. Hope this sharing helps someone.

My best friends - my mum and my girls.