Nature : Ignorance is bliss … or fatal?

I was hanging out laundry when I heard this heart wrenching cry ….  The cry of the jackhammer slicing into a sturdy old tree. I watched workers cut the perfectly healthy rows of trees as the atoms of the tree screamed out. At first I tried to ignore it and carry on with my work but the cries were just too much. One reason I chose the condo unit I am living in is because it overlooked a lovely row of tree tops …. Now here I am watching them cut it down.

Rows of trees being cut down 

I walked down to the Management Office downstairs and enquired why they are cutting down the perfectly healthy trees and managed to call the manager in charge. She informs me that it was a decision approved at the owners meeting. The owners have long been requesting to cut the rows of trees down. I was flabbergasted. I asked her why? She answered that they were concerned that the tree branches might fall on the cars below and the tree roots might damage the condo units, so they are cutting down the trees. I fell silent.

I remembered a few years ago we had a nice beautiful shade tree in front of our house in Kota Kemuning. The tree roots were beginning to crack the entrance. This brought fear to my dad that the tree roots will soon destroy the house and he got the tree cut down. I bought this reason then and watched the beautiful shade tree being cut down thinking it was necessary to protect my house.

Here I am in a similar situation again, watching beautiful shade trees being cut down because a collective group of owners of the Condo units think it is necessary to protect their property. This time though, I felt this burning question : is it really necessary? Are we overreacting? There must be a way to keep the trees and protect our property. Cutting down trees is the easy solution but we have no idea of the spiral effect it has on nature, the eco system and the climate. It starts with the mindset of every individual in the society. It starts with every little thought … every little action which leads to the global catastrophe we are facing now with the melting of the ice and impending rise in water levels.

Just from my micro experience of the trees being cut was that some of my potted plants on the balcony dried up because now the direct sunlight was too strong. The wind blows stronger and the clothes on the hanger gets wet if it rains. The condo is hotter and dustier. This is just a little impact from one tiny incident. What happens when all the little things we humans do out of fear and greed is pooled together?

Scientific research indicates sea levels worldwide have been rising at a rate of 0.14 inches (3.5 millimeters) per year since the early 1990s. This is a significantly larger rate than the sea-level rise averaged over the last several thousand years. Studies published in 2015 state that even if we manage to limit global warming to 2C  (the target number for current climate negotiations), sea levels may still rise at least 6 meters (20 ft) above their current heights, radically reshaping the world’s coastline and affecting millions in the process.

By 2050, 26 major US cities will face an “emerging flooding crisis.” Globally, storm damage could cost cities from Hong Kong to Dhaka to New York trillions annually unless adaptation measures are taken. According to Climate Central estimates, 150 million or more people are currently living on land that will either be submerged or exposed to chronic flooding by 2100. Malaysia, being a little peninsular sure looks doomed. In the past years we have seen the unprecedented rise in natural disasters, Chennai flooding being the latest. The facts and evidences are trust upon us yet we live in ignorant bliss that we have a future living the way we do now. Thinking the way we do now.

Recent floods in Chennai

So this begged the question, what can I do? I realised doing what my heart has bidded me to do …  awareness programs on nature’s laws and listening to the heart, connects people back to the bigger picture of life…. of their real purpose of life besides the routine maintenance of living imposed by society. This creates awareness in Gen X and Gen Y. Awareness before change. It is too late for my Generation, Gen X to change but the awareness will enable them to provide the platform and provide the support required by Gen Y and Gen Z to perform the task they came here to perform. Saving us, humans, from our own greed and fear and appeasing nature’s fury at our follies.

Looking at Gen Y and Gen Z, I see hope and am excited to see the future unfold with them, while doing my little part to create the awareness required for change to take place from within.

 

Being in a relationship and changing my goals

A few days ago someone asked me “can I work on my goals and keep my relationship separate?” I knew the answer to this and chose to give her an example on how my friend and her husband grow together as they work on similar goals and also an example of how my divorce many years ago was inevitable as I grew in achieving my goals. Then told her a divorce is messy with kids and parents etc. Be wise and make the decision before that. As you progress towards your goals you will know if he is with you or not. Then listen to your heart and make the choice. Little did I know then that my understanding of the matter was still … well, preliminary.

Last night I had a conversation with my mentor and he was getting me to see the hatred and anger I still harboured against my ex and his new girlfriend. Let’s walk down memory lane….

Some 10 years ago I met this absolutely amazing person. He was the one who introduced me to my personal growth. We worked together really well, almost telepathic in meetings at work, achieving success one after another at work. We were best friends. But what I cherished most was the way we helped each other grow. How he could see my ‘drama’ starting and cut it short and get me to see what I was doing. I in turn was one of the very few who could knock sense into him when his ego grew too big. Our conversations would often make each other go ‘pooff’. Intellectual orgasm. The realisation and awareness about ourselves that the other person could bring out made the relationship special and awesome.

I started off doing a 1 hour free workshop on Managing Personal Energy

Somewhere along the years, my personal growth became most important to me. It was an aphrodisiac. I then thought in which way can I focus on my personal growth and still make a living. That’s when I decided I am going to be a self-awareness trainer because I knew that if I do that, my personal growth will be phenomenal. He supported my decision when everyone else thought I had lost it. I moved from being a Finance Director to a Regional HR Manager as a stepping stone. My growth was accelerated.

My first 1 Day Goal Setting Workshop - 22 Feb 2014

Then a few years down the road, I quit my job to setup a company doing ‘Culture Shaping’. This time he simply couldn’t see what I was talking about. He kept telling me it would not work. But my heart was adamant and strangely my mind was with my heart. I went along with my decision. He wanted to start another company and I didn’t join him. He did ask me “Now that we don’t have common goals what is going to happen to us?” The question took me aback, I pondered on it for a few minutes and decided I’ll work on my new goals and keep my relationship separate. We will be okay. 

We both worked on our goals separately. Suddenly even basic communication was difficult. He was spending a lot of time with this girl on his new business and it made me jealous. I have powerful thoughts and I was aware of it but could not stop myself. Jealousy escalated to suspicion, arguments and accusations. Even I could not recognise myself. He retaliated and all hell broke loose.  All in less than a month he decided he was happier with this new girl and was truthful to me when I confronted him. I still remember the pain that shot through my heart like a dagger and I actually fell to my knees. I could see the hurt in his eyes to see me like that but he stayed silent. I broke off the relationship with a lot of drama from both of us. We both agreed on one thing though, our friendship was very important and let’s keep that and not let the relationship ruin it. Although we both decided to stay friends and in our hearts knew we can’t grow anymore with each other and our goals required us to move on, on our own, it still took us months to let go of the habit patterns and emotional and physical attachment.

The first Be At Your Best  - 11&12 Oct 2014

It was at that time that I met my mentor. Every time I tell Elango about the culture shaping thingy I wanted to do I would listen to him and watch him and think in amazement, ‘he actually understands what I am talking about’, even I only had a hazy picture. Elango saw what I wanted to do and believed in me and my goals even before I did. A few years later and now I am working on my goals with some parts of it becoming a reality ... the picture is clear, I am confident and focused on my goals. Fast forward to yesterday …

So coming back to the anger and betrayal I felt from the breakup … Elango was getting me to see it was no one’s fault and that there was no conspiracy theory to set me up. It just happened because both our thoughts changed. My goals changed. And she was not to be blamed because she didn’t even know about it. My mind conveniently blamed her so I didn’t need to take responsibility for it. As much as I intellectually understood this, my emotions did not agree….

This morning after much switching between my emotions and intellect, then it dawned on me the whole drama was created because I changed my goals. Had we discussed then to part when our goals changed, when he asked me the question, we would have planned the breakup amicably, no drama and the friendship would have prevailed stronger. But my emotional attachment blinded me then. At that time I did not understand the Law of Balance (http://www.ascendancepro.com/)

The Second Be At Your Best - 4&5 July 2015

It also made me realise how strong my heart is. When faced with a major life changing decision that affects my evolution, it came out strong the stood firm and my mind followed without question. Another thing is the wanting to discover myself is a strong yearning from the heart which lead to me prioritising it over the mundane maintenance of life.  For many people achieving their financial goals, relationship goals, a bigger house, a better job, a happy family suffice and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s their evolution and their heart’s call. For a few people like me, my personal growth and self-discovery has become the center to my existence.

Valsala

5 Dec 2015 

Leaving the rat race

Currently I am marketing the ‘Be At Your Best’ High Performance Culture Shaping program. This takes me to manufacturing sites all around the Klang Valley. As I wait to see the bosses, I look around and watch employees being busy at work, feeling very important. Clocking in faithfully and in routine. Their lives revolving around the company they work for. The world outside their company does not exist for them. A few days annual leave aside, their time and soul sold to the company they work for in return for the security of a fixed monthly income. I take a deep breath in, thinking ‘how many years of my life have I done that too?’

Someone once told me Industrialisation is modern day slavery and at that time I thought that was a too extreme view point. However, now, I watch similar patterns in employees and standing in the outside, looking at the bigger picture of life, I began to realise how true that is. A vast majority of people trade their most essential commodities ; time, energy and ideas for an exchange of a safe and comfortable living. When in essence there is not much living outside of work at the company.

Be At Your Best Corporate Program to raise awareness on the bigger picture of life

The difference?

One group of aimless dejected people wasting their potential because they are too comfortable to step out of their comfort zone. The helplessness and unappreciated feeling turns into dissatisfaction and anger towards co-workers and management. They are unhappy and make others around them unhappy too. This is carried forward into their personal lives. They feel trapped in the lives that they are in with family and financial responsibilities and end up being bitter.

Then there is the other group, ambitious, giving their best and rising up the corporate ladder. They feel appreciated, important and indispensable. Spending most of their working hours, energy and thoughts at work neglecting family and more importantly personal time. Neglecting the voices of their hearts. They actually think the company will collapse without them and prioritise work at the company above family and themselves. One day when they retire or is asked to leave the company or the position for some untoward reasons, they end up devastated and empty.  The company on the other hand, or rather the bosses and other employees, will struggle for a few days, reorganise or find a replacement and move on without you. If you come back a month later, you will be surprised how life in the company has moved on without you. A year later? You would have become a distant memory, a part of history only a handful still remembering you with fondness.

Be At Your Best Corporate Program - how do you play the game of your life?

Either way life passes by without you even getting a hint of the real purpose you came here on earth. You end up following the system, going to school, getting a job, getting married, having kids, buying a car, buying a house and a few more …  working harder to pay it off. Then one day you wake up and it’s all in the past, kids grown-up and flown off, retired from the company you worked for, relationships with spouse and family members on tolerance basis and you ask yourself “what is the purpose of my life? I came here for mere maintenance of life?” But, by then, the voice of your heart is so distant and muted that you no longer can hear it. Even if you can still hear the whispers of your heart, you would have run out of time and energy.

Be At Your Best  - are your thoughts, words and actions aligned?

When I explain to people about what the Be At Your Best program does .. it is time for oneself to connect to their hearts, understand Nature’s Laws and reflect on their thoughts, words and actions, understand what is blocking the happiness, health and wealth their heart desires, many are interested. They are fascinated when I share my journey and that of others. However, when I ask if they would like to join the program, most will reply they don’t have the time…. Work and family commitment take priority. Even, attending friends and relatives wedding, going for holidays take priority over spending time for themselves. Time to reflect, contemplate and discover themselves. Time for checking the bearings and correcting the course if needed. Time to see the bigger picture and set the direction of the course of their lives. As I hear these excuses again and again, I smile to myself and think “if only they knew what they just passed on for mere maintenance of life”.

Be At Your Best July 2015 Public Program - listening to your heart

Leaving you with a quote from Steve Jobs ;

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”― Steve Jobs

Valsala

My Bali Experience -- take 2 -- Living In the Moment

Going back down memory lane to a few days ago in Bali, I remembered finding it difficult to just be and enjoy the moment.  My mind was busy thinking of many things although I was sitting in this beautiful villa, serene ambiance with soft traditional Balinese beat. 

At first, my mind was making comparisons to a holiday we had in Krabi a year ago. Elango stopped that by saying this is a different holiday, no two holidays will be the same, so don’t make any comparison. Then my mind moved forward  to my client appointment later in the week after the holidays. Elango just smiled and shook his head. I stopped talking, looked him and said, “mmmm… I am not enjoying the present moment. I am on a holiday that I have been looking forward to but now when I am on the holiday I am not enjoying it.” To that he said, “Very Good! If you can just do that, you will be the most sought after trainer!” I asked him why in amazement. He said that is what everyone is looking for and that is The secret to being happy. The mind often takes you to the past or keeps you worried about the future, taking away the moment. You can only be happy in the moment. I nodded, came back to the moment and enjoyed my breakfast.

Breakfast at Daluman Villa, Bali

Then we went on a tour to the Kintamani Volcano, a 2 hour plus drive. We stopped at The Elephant Cave. I was mesmerized by the vibes in the Cave and didn’t want to come out. It was a really small cave where ancient prayers and rituals were done. It was dark and had meditation holes craved out in the walls. The energy was simply beyond words. Elango and Pak Nyoman [our driver and guide] left me behind and I had to run after them. 

At Elephant Cave entrance, Bali

Outside there was a spring water catchment which used to be an ancient bathing area for the goddess [tempat mandian dewi-dewi]. Again, this mesmerised me. I felt like I have been there before, a magical feeling difficult to explain. Again Elango and Nyoman left me to enjoy my moment at the Spring Water temple alone …. snapping pictures from afar. I truly enjoyed the little moments.

Me enchanted at Spring Water Temple

Habit patterns return and over the next few days I caught my mind many times going either back to the past or planning the future. For example, on the last day, I was in the pool in the villa. We rented a villa with a private pool. I was busy planning on how the next trip, we will rent the 2 or 3 bedroom villas with pool and have the ET Ideas gang over with us and how much fun it will be. Elango listened quietly just smiling. Half way through I stopped myself and said sheepishly  “ I am in the pool right now “. Stopped talking and just enjoyed the dip in the pool, playing in the water like a child, swirling in the water , standing under the water fall, exploring the Jacuzzi style bubble and just standing still and enjoying the peace and quiet … watching the flowers swirl around, the blue sky above and tree branches dancing to the wind. Living in the moment.

Private pool in the villa

Habit patterns return. Later in the airport, I was sulking in the corner missing Heerraa, Harsha and Rammya;  thinking how much fun it would be if they were here and did a facebook posting saying I am missing them.  Elango saw this and said “Really?” with an amused look. Then I went like “ohh I am still on holiday, I forgot, I am sorry” and snapped back to the present moment.  We enjoyed coffee and raisin Danish and had a good conversation. Elango was teaching lessons on being truthful and listening to the heart, which I would have missed if I had continued sulking in my corner.  Living in the moment … 

Elango has talked about this many times previously and I thought I understood. However, only in my Bali Holiday did I experience how not being in the moment can spoil an otherwise perfect holiday. Also made me realise that to be happy and enjoy the moment - I can do it anytime, anywhere and with anybody or just on my own, having dinner, sipping tea etc. Thank you again Elango.

My Bali Experience ... being happy

I recently went for a holiday to Bali and posted facebook updates which created a lot of interest. When I came back many friends excitedly asked me how my Bali Holiday was expecting a happy tale. Oddly, I avoided answering that and switched topic to the troubles I was having getting back to work momentum. I realised their questions made me uncomfortable. Then the real issue dawned upon me ….  I can’t remember being happy or having a good time during the Bali Holiday and I came back just a day ago!!

Floating Temple, Bali - its on the back of the 50,000 Rupiah

OMG! What is going on? I tried to remember but it was difficult, I panicked and told Elango this. He in turn, was not surprised!! He then explained that my mind and the neurons formed are geared on finding faults, it is not programmed to remember the good times! Then he referred to a practical activity he did during the Be At Your Best training program that showed people are generally programmed to find faults and not take note of the good things. I remembered that activity and it made sense. I asked him in dismay, “What to do?”  He suggested that I look at the facebook postings again and photos I took and make a conscious effort to remember the good times … i.e. creating new programming and neurons to be in line with my goals to be happy.

I said okay and then … forgot about it. Elango reminded me again today.

Sunset at Potato Head Club, Bali

Beach Party at Potato Head Club, Bali

 As I was going through the photos, the first few I was picking faults and remembering the ‘bad’ experience. For an example, we went to this happening place called Potato Head. Really awesome beach party place where you can watch an amazing sunset. However, when we got there, all tables were full and we didn’t have reservations. Elango said he will definitely come there again. Hearing this, my mind immediately started going into a victim mode saying  but I will not be coming with him again and I can’t come to this place etc. I voiced out my mind chatter to Elango.  He said, “Your mind is programmed to find fault and turn this into an unhappy holiday with at least one or two things lacking. You can choose to entertain it or you can use your willpower to snap out of it and find solutions .” After a few minutes, I asked him if we could go for dinner to Hard Rock instead? He answered’ “okay” and we went to Hard Rock Café on Kuta Beach. All the while Elango was his usual self, as he would be back in KL, enjoying the sights and scenes, enjoying every moment, not the least affected by my change in mood. He was not reacting to my change in behaviour.

We had a nice dinner and enjoyed good conversation where I discovered a lot more about myself. Elango started explaining to me what was happening to me using SIEP. Using the Spirit to accept that nature was teaching me through the events that were taking place. He then asked me to use the intellect to think what the lessons were and went on to explain the real reason I got upset at Potato Head and how it was my deeper level subs plans to return me to my old cycles. My emotions were calm again and I was happy. Elango’s response to my change in behaviour using SIEP allowed me to see the works of my mind clearly. It also allowed me to switch back into a clear and happy state in a very short time. Previously, not too long ago, I would have continued to entertain the negative thoughts and become chaotic and go into an emotional tantrum for days!

Dinner At Hard Rock Cafe, Kuta Beach, Bali

However, when I first looked at the photos after I got back I only remembered not getting a place ; the nice dinner, conversations and learning in Hard Rock I am only remembering as I write this blog!

Going back to my photo review, I had to use lots of will power to continue looking for good memories. My mind was saying no need, there are no nice experiences this time and the holiday was boring and I didn’t really like many of the things we did and was comparing to previous holidays. Luckily for me, Harsha was with me in this mission and she kept insisting that I keep going on to tell her about the photos I took and my experiences.

Flower Garden Restaurant, Bali

Me having lunch happily

I went on to the next few photos of places I went to and described it as too hot and I was tired etc. Then suddenly I saw a photo taken during lunch at a flower garden restaurant. I really enjoyed the food and view there and my heart was very happy indeed! Even remembered Elango saying “You really enjoyed the food here, don’t you?” Looking at this picture the happy memories came back. Then I saw the photo of the view of The Kintamani Volcano and remembered us having sandwiches at the view point restaurant. More happy memories came back.

Sandwiches and breathtaking view of Kintamani Volcano

I wanted to go to Bali for a holiday and was very happy when Elango booked the tickets and said, “let’s go”. However, when I was on holiday in Bali, I kept thinking what am I learning here and how is this related to my goals? Now I realise, one of the big learning is for me to experience how my mind is wired on finding faults and storing only unpleasant or ‘bad’ memories and forgets the good memories. How can I ever be happy wired this way? I need to take conscious effort to remember the good things and count my blessings …. slowly but surely on a daily basis. Thank you Elango for getting me to experience it and become aware of it.

Lunch at Bebek Tepi Sawah

My Bon Jovi Experience

Classroom was Bon Jovi concert. 

I missed the concert 20 years ago and ever since felt like I have missed something. I was excited and restless at the same time. Bon Jovi comes on and a few minutes later I turn to Elango and said in amazement, “It’s a hook!” Elango smiled and answered, “Not bad.”

Bon Jovi live in KL on 19 Sep 2015

By now you must be wondering what the hell I am talking about?  Well, hooks are emotional references your subconscious makes to keep you hooked on to the past; a past incident or relationship. Hooks prevent you from living in the moment. Hooks ensure you don’t completely move on and it defines your future perception and relationships.

In this case it was a hook made a long, long time ago, in my teens. Bon Jovi. I met the girls’ dad when I was 16, and the first time I met him, he was performing on stage with his guitar. To me, he looked like Bon Jovi although I was not aware of it. A few years later, it developed into a relationship. Elango pointed out on how the relationship started PEIS, i.e. the physical senses matched him to someone I admired, the emotions developed based on that and the intellect rationalised it and I concluded we were ‘a match made in heaven’.  Over the years we had our song, ‘I’ll be there for you’ by Bon Jovi, which he dedicated and sang to me at barbeque parties we often had then.

When I missed the concert 20 years ago because he could not go with me, it created a hook. A feeling of missing, which was very connected to him.  We divorced and went our separate ways 12 years ago and I thought I was well over him. I didn’t have emotional connections to him. Our marriage and time together seems like it happened to someone else.

However, in the few minutes into the concert when I saw Bon Jovi, it reminded me of him. That’s when it hit me, OMG missing the concert years ago was a hook on him my subconscious mind had cleverly created. Since I recognised it, was aware and brought it out to light, the hook loses its strength. If I was not aware, it would have created a missing feeling for him and had I not mentioned it to Elango or anyone, the missing feeling will grow in the dark. Cunning and clever subconscious mind I have.

Elango also pointed out how some of the songs I liked such as ‘Shot through the heart’ when I sang it with emotions, created strong programming into my subconscious mind to attract to me future relationships and scenarios to make that feeling real. He also shared how he used songs like ‘It’s my life’ and ‘Livin’ on a prayer’ to intentionally program his subconscious mind when he started something new and many were against it but a few backed him. Elango then pointed out an example of a recent hook I have created and how to neutralise it when it presents itself again. This gave me ideas on how I could intentionally create hooks on memories I want to remember and counter the hooks created by my subconscious mind.

The right way to start off a relationship is by using SIEP [Spirit, Intellect, Emotions and Physical].  That is when you meet someone and you feel a spiritual connection, i.e. nature is trying to teach you something through this person, you proceed to get to know the person well first. You have good conversations with the person for a few months. The intellect stays objective. By then you will know if this person is to be a friend or someone you want to have a relationship with. Then you choose to develop the emotional feelings and proceed into a physical relationship. This will help you create the right hooks intentionally.

Bon Jovi concert was awesome but the learning I got about myself is profound and invaluable. Thank you Elango.

Intimacy - a spiritual experience?

Date : sometime a few weeks ago….

Date nights for me is usually having dinner or watching a movie. Last night we did something different. We stayed home. No movie. Just music and each other for company.  Very little conversation too.  Just being with each other, listening to music we like, stroking my hair, my face, my arms, light kisses on my forehead, hugging me tight … heaven!  Didn’t realise how much I missed the simple intimacy of being together. I melted in my husband’s arms.

Wait there was learning in it too. Little did I realise that all my senses were engaged at the moment …. Sense of touch [hugging and caressing], taste [kissing] , smell [mmmm he smelled really nice], hearing [the soothing music] and sight [mmmm… he was really cute] and last but most importantly the conversation was making me think.  The thinking sense sets the direction for the other senses to follow!

Last night we were talking about my thoughts, how most times we have selfish agenda and what it means to be selfless and have compassionate love for others. Little did I know the conversation was driving my senses inward … getting the heightened other senses interested in knowing me better.

When we went to bed and did it ..… it was different … not so much of the sexual act but more an enchanting high that went up to my head and lasted a long time. I later learned that the high feeling and dizziness was because the senses was going within but since the experience was new it could not make sense of it yet, hence the dizzy and high feeling. He hugged me and I slept with a smile, high, happy and at peace.

Then I learned that this is called a spiritual experience of intimacy … just at the beginning stage and much more to experience. The high feeling I experience during intimacy was as a result of the clean-up I have been going through over the past 2 years …. First following Natures’ Laws, then man-made laws… that is the foundation. This will in turn fine-tune the body and lead to management of the breath. Then the senses start looking within. Only after all this is done well, can one attempt concentration which over time will lead to meditation.

The tools to do this? Constant practise of SIEP! Focus and work towards your goals!

Word of caution though, spiritual intimacy can be achieved only when it is guided by one who knows at what stage of evolution you are in. If not, the senses would become wild and seek more sense pleasure in the external world.

Valsala