A few days ago someone asked me “can I work on my goals and
keep my relationship separate?” I knew the answer to this and chose to give her
an example on how my friend and her husband grow together as they work on
similar goals and also an example of how my divorce many years ago was
inevitable as I grew in achieving my goals. Then told her a divorce is messy
with kids and parents etc. Be wise and make the decision before that. As you
progress towards your goals you will know if he is with you or not. Then listen
to your heart and make the choice. Little did I know then that my understanding
of the matter was still … well, preliminary.
Last night I had a conversation with my mentor and he was
getting me to see the hatred and anger I still harboured against my ex and his
new girlfriend. Let’s walk down memory lane….
Some 10 years ago I met this absolutely amazing person. He
was the one who introduced me to my personal growth. We worked together really
well, almost telepathic in meetings at work, achieving success one after
another at work. We were best friends. But what I cherished most was the way we
helped each other grow. How he could see my ‘drama’ starting and cut it short
and get me to see what I was doing. I in turn was one of the very few who could
knock sense into him when his ego grew too big. Our conversations would often
make each other go ‘pooff’. Intellectual orgasm. The realisation and awareness
about ourselves that the other person could bring out made the relationship
special and awesome.
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| I started off doing a 1 hour free workshop on Managing Personal Energy |
Somewhere along the years, my personal growth became most
important to me. It was an aphrodisiac. I then thought in which way can I focus
on my personal growth and still make a living. That’s when I decided I am going
to be a self-awareness trainer because I knew that if I do that, my personal
growth will be phenomenal. He supported my decision when everyone else thought I had lost it. I moved from being a Finance Director to a Regional HR Manager as a stepping stone. My growth was accelerated.
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| My first 1 Day Goal Setting Workshop - 22 Feb 2014 |
Then a few years down the road, I quit my job to setup a
company doing ‘Culture Shaping’. This time he simply couldn’t see what I was
talking about. He kept telling me it would not work. But my heart was adamant
and strangely my mind was with my heart. I went along with my decision. He
wanted to start another company and I didn’t join him. He did ask me “Now that
we don’t have common goals what is going to happen to us?” The question took me
aback, I pondered on it for a few minutes and decided I’ll work on my new goals
and keep my relationship separate. We will be okay.
We both worked on our goals separately. Suddenly even basic
communication was difficult. He was spending a lot of time with this girl on
his new business and it made me jealous. I have powerful thoughts and I was
aware of it but could not stop myself. Jealousy escalated to suspicion,
arguments and accusations. Even I could not recognise myself. He retaliated and
all hell broke loose. All in less than a
month he decided he was happier with this new girl and was truthful to me when
I confronted him. I still remember the pain that shot through my heart like a
dagger and I actually fell to my knees. I could see the hurt in his eyes to see
me like that but he stayed silent. I broke off the relationship with a lot of
drama from both of us. We both agreed on one thing though, our friendship was
very important and let’s keep that and not let the relationship ruin it.
Although we both decided to stay friends and in our hearts knew we can’t grow
anymore with each other and our goals required us to move on, on our own, it
still took us months to let go of the habit patterns and emotional and physical
attachment.
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| The first Be At Your Best - 11&12 Oct 2014 |
So coming back to the anger and betrayal I felt from the
breakup … Elango was getting me to see it was no one’s fault and that there was
no conspiracy theory to set me up. It just happened because both our thoughts
changed. My goals changed. And she was not to be blamed because she didn’t even
know about it. My mind conveniently blamed her so I didn’t need to take
responsibility for it. As much as I intellectually understood this, my emotions
did not agree….
This morning after much switching between my emotions and
intellect, then it dawned on me the whole drama was created because I changed
my goals. Had we discussed then to part when our goals changed, when he asked
me the question, we would have planned the breakup amicably, no drama and the
friendship would have prevailed stronger. But my emotional attachment blinded
me then. At that time I did not understand the Law of Balance (http://www.ascendancepro.com/)
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| The Second Be At Your Best - 4&5 July 2015 |
It also made me realise how strong my heart is. When faced with a major
life changing decision that affects my evolution, it came out strong the stood
firm and my mind followed without question. Another thing is the wanting to
discover myself is a strong yearning from the heart which lead to me
prioritising it over the mundane maintenance of life. For many people achieving their financial
goals, relationship goals, a bigger house, a better job, a happy family suffice
and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s their evolution and their heart’s
call. For a few people like me, my personal growth and self-discovery has
become the center to my existence.
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