Your job is a trap!

Case Study 1

I met this witty young man when I was doing a survey on happiness in the mall. He works as a project engineer in an engineering firm. I called him once on his birthday and he said he wants to do something else in life and he signed up for the Be At Your Best program. After the 2 days start of the Be At Your Best program he was very excited and motivated to listen to his heart and work on doing something different. However, when he is back at the work he is sucked back into the busy working lifestyle and forgets about working on the things his heart wants. He tries his best to come for the follow up workshops and talks but many times can’t make it because of conference calls, late meetings, deadlines and other work related demands.

Me in action in the Be At Your Best 2 days

Case Study 2

She hates her job … yes really and just wants to take a break. She was fascinated with my lifestyle and my ability to follow my heart, leave my corporate job and now do what I love doing. The time and money freedom I have. The time with my children especially, the time for myself,  the happier me attracted her to do the Be At Your Best program. After the 2 days start of the Be At Your Best program she was very excited and motivated to listen to her heart and work on balancing her life, her happiness and do something she loves.  She came for that week’s talk, bringing her daughter.  But after that, the demands of her job set in and she could not make it for the weekday talks nor the weekend follow-ups. At first she tried her best to come, but later, in time it was no longer a priority and soon she forgot about it. She heads the operations of a private hospital. Work stress often gets to her to the point that she falls ill, suffers from back and neck pain, gastritis and headaches. Once in awhile when I call her she will remember the part of doing something different but by now the fear of stepping out of a well paying , monthly paying job, scares her. The perceived security of her current job supersedes the adverse impact on her happiness and health.

They are not unique in this, many of the participants of the Be At Your Best program get excited after the 2 days but get sucked into their environment after that. Their old habit patterns and fear overshadows their heart and intellect.

So you see, your job is a trap! Really it is. Your job becomes the center of your life … more important than family and friends .. your health and happiness! Very so often you get a glimpse of awareness that this is not what you want … but your job will suck you into the busyness, deadlines, meetings … that becomes a priority over your happiness and health … over what your HEART wants.

You see, your heart has the blueprint of your life. Really, even Steve Jobs said it in his Stanford College Graduation Speech. Your heart guides you through life to learn, grow, evolve and fulfil the purpose of your life. When you listen to your heart it gets stronger. When you don’t, well it gets weaker and over time you can’t hear it anymore. You just get lost in the drama of life, mostly other people’s drama, get delusional and the first signs are in your loss of peace of mind, your happiness … later your health.

So … what happens on the flip side?

Case Study 3

Heerraa is an 18 year old singer, song writer, composer, musician and Founder & CEO of Cosmic Records.  Cosmic Records produces music videos, singles and corporate music videos. She follows her heart and does what she loves. She has not worked in a 9 to 5 job nor does she want to. Her hours are filled writing songs, recording and performing.  She is also the Creative Head in Ascendance, a dynamic team of youngsters sharing their success with their peers and supporting them in listening to their hearts, being creative and achieving their goals. Here she is either busy doing workshops and talking to peers or doing presentation in branding partner meetings. Something many adults would envy. Her focus is on her happiness, health and then the wealth her heart desires. Learning about herself and unleashing her potential.

Heerraa recording her music video

Heerraa on stage during one of her performance.

Case Study 4

Mathura is 21 this December. She loves accounting and for her internship she joined Simply Empowering, an ET Ideas Associate Company.  She went against the force and pressure to work in a big four or more established accounting firm. Here in Simply Empowering she is an associate who visits clients doing their accounts, learning not only the full experience of accounting but also people skills. She needs to think and come out with solutions. She has the flexibility of time and huge growth potential to take the business to a new level. In bigger firms you would be photocopying and following instructions, trust me, I know this coz I interned in PWC [one of the big accounting firms]. She is also Ascendance Team Leader. Here she sets the direction for her team, testing and stretching her leadership skills. She leverages their strengths to deliver results. She helps them manage their weakness and grow.  She is also busy doing workshops and talking to peers or doing presentation in branding partner meetings. Again, something many adults would envy. Her focus is on her happiness, health and then the wealth her heart desires. Learning about herself and unleashing her potential.

Mathura with her team, Ascendance.

Mathura managing the camera during Coffee with ET, a talk hosted by Ascendance.

I am just naming 2 examples. There are many other young ET Ideas Associates who have avoided the trap and set their course, their own rules, focused on their goals …. coming up with creative and unprecedented ways to achieve material goals. Hence, if you have not entered the trap then DON'T.  Follow your heart and live your life!

Then the next question is … if you are already in the trap but your heart yearns to do something else, then what do you do?

Case Study 5

Genkes was working in a company when the company did the Corporate Be At Your Best program.  He then realized that he wanted to do something different with his life but did not know what to do. He took the initiative to meet Elango weekly driving an hour to and another back. Then he realized his love for Chess and his passion in teaching children. He kept meeting Elango and exercised discipline in putting into practice the learning, transforming slowly from within and later growing his business outside. He constantly upgraded his skills in playing chess and started teaching a few students while doing his best in the company he worked in. The result is he got promoted into a leadership role in the company and won the bronze medal for Malaysia in the 2013 SEA Games in Myanmar.  He is also the Founder and CEO of Chess Master, conducting Chess Workshops in over 10 schools, teaching over 1000 students and creating a generation of thinkers. Now he is full time with Chess Master, focusing on his happiness, health, family, students, doing what he loves,  learning about himself and growing spiritually and intellectually. He is now guiding new and upcoming instructors for Chess Master. He is very successful and still understands the importance of being in the environment and is there with his family at ET Ideas Weekly meetings.

Genkes with his Chess Master team

Genkes during one of his Chess classes

So if you are in the trap, joining the Be At Your Best program is only the beginning. There is no magic pill. You need to prioritize your change … use willpower, put the lessons into practice and most importantly keep coming to the ET Ideas environment.

Case Study 6

Huoy Tyng was my ex colleague and when I wished her on her birthday, she told me she had quit her job and doesn’t know what to do next. She was unhappy in her job, had health problems due to stress and was emotionally down. So I asked her to come for ET Youth Talk, she did. Then she kept coming for all talks. She did the Be At Your Best program and was one of the most disciplined person to put it into practice. Her transformation was very quick and evident in her happiness and health. It was really heart-warming to see her grow. She is now a qualified personal trainer and does Inside-out Mind Body Solutions talks and workshop, a unique program she founded.

Huoy Tyng sharing her experiences with Ascendance On The Road participants 

If you want to get out of the trap by taking the plunge and quitting your job like Huoy Tyng and me then you must have enough savings to sustain you for at least 2-3 years coz change takes time, especially personal transformation and then building a business doing what your heart loves. Secondly, you must be persistent in being in the ET Ideas environment where people are working on their goals and listening to their hearts. Third, be disciplined on working on your goals and willing to work hard.

Option 2 would be like Genkes. Do your best at work, learn and grow. But be clear of your priority … your ultimate goals … make sure you are in the ET Ideas environment as much as possible …. come for all the talks, the follow-up workshops and be part of the other ET Ideas activities. Absorb the vibes. Slowly you will start listening to your heart and start working on your goals, starting with your happiness. Many Be At Your Best participants have become ET Ideas Associates this way … transiting slowly from working 9-5 to doing what they love … first in a small scale then in a scale beyond their imagination.

ET Ideas Associates catching the Star Wars premiere.

Am I Not Important Anymore?

At first there was me. Only me. Then came this little helpless human being whose very survival in this planet was entrusted to me. So fragile that I was afraid I would crush her if I hugged her too tight. My world started revolving around her. Feed her, shower her, clean her, get clothes, make sure we don’t run out of milk powder, baby food and the other 1001 things babies need. Worry about her safety , ensure she is well taken care of when I not with her and ensure I give her my best when I am with her. Then came another little helpless human being. The same things repeated over again but with less worry and stress, more efficient as now I have experience.

The Little Beings - Heerraa & Harsha

As I watch these 2 girls grow I experience joy and love for another human being like I never did before. They came before me. As hungry as I was I would make sure that they are not first. They looked good. Got the toys that they should have. Learned well from the best school. Watched the right TV programs. As tired as I was, I listened to their stories at night. Tiring yet awesomely fulfilling days. I was busy planning weekend to take them to meet Barbie or Teen Titans … how can I expose them to the fun out there coming out with the experience of a memorable childhood and have the zest for life.

Heerraa & Hasrha at Music Exams - The Young Teens

Pretty young ladies.

Time passed and they grew into young teenagers. The first signs started when they no longer wanted to follow me around on errands. The stories they shared with me was shorter and that I realized I was to be blamed as I was busier at work and spent less time with them resulting in me not really noticing the little changes growing teens face.  Realizing this I quickly made changes, talking to them more, spending quality time with them … slowly transiting my relationship from mother to friend. Here on life became even more awesome. It was living your teenage years again just without the insecurities. Sharing my deepest secrets, my mistakes in life, me being vulnerable, willing to listen to them, work on their ideas and at times learn from them … brought us to a different level  of intimacy … one that the closet of friends share.

Meet ET Ideas Family @ ET Ideas Awards Nite 2017

Meeting ET Ideas have enabled me and both my daughters to grow beyond my ability to imagine. We have become more aware of our thoughts, words and action more than ever before ….  our programming, the power of the subconscious mind and how to slowly reprogram it to our goals. We have learned how powerful our thoughts are and our ability to manifest our reality, … and still learning. Both my daughters got International School Scholarships within 6 months of setting the goal. There got a band together and started performing , then started writing songs and doing solo performances. Getting straight A stars in exams. They wrote a book which is now being edited.

Ascendance, me and Elango

Then they joined Ascendance. A team of young dynamic youngsters set out to share their experiences to their peers to make the world a happier and better world. They started meeting sponsors and started doing workshops at schools. They started meeting companies for branding partnership. I was very proud of them … they were achieving results way beyond their peers. This is when I started doing some really weird things.

I was getting annoyed with them with the little things they did … or rather the things they didn’t do … like pick up the laundry or clean the table and go ballistic on them. I started worrying about their safety although I knew they were in safe hands and started imposed curfew times. I started regulating their study times although they are doing exceptionally well in school. I started telling them what they should and should not do. Telling them how they should do their calls and their meetings and workshops because I knew better since I am experienced and doing it well. Well … you can say full mum mode activated!

They were treading gingerly around me afraid I would get upset, which seems to be happening a lot. Luckily for me I was wise enough to see this and quickly go to my mentor and ask him what is happening to me? He smiled and answered, ‘This is not about them. This is about you. You are just not feeling important anymore’.

I sat dumfounded while he explained. ‘You have done well. You have guided them well. Now they have grown wings and began to fly on their own. No longer needing the same amount of support as before. No longer needing the same amount of care as before. They know how to eat when they are hungry and where to find the food. They know how to find transport to get to where they want to go. They know how to present at meetings. They know how to do their workshops. How to listen to their hearts and make decisions related to their goals, like not wanting to go to college and continue working on their goals as they are now. You are just not feeling important anymore. You are just being … well in plain terms selfish … it’s not about them anymore, it has become about you.”

As much as my intellect understood what he said and agreed, my emotions could not comprehend it. I just stared at him blankly. It took me a few days to come to terms with it … to accept it. A few more days to digest it. Then I went to Elango again and asked him … “So, what do I do?”

He asked me “Do you want the best for them?” I replied “Yes, I do” Then he said, “First be truthful to them and to yourself … accept and acknowledge what you feel … and express it to them. The emotions will reduce over time. Second, don’t stand in their way … don’t box their ideas, don’t impose your ideas and beliefs on them … don’t let go your emotions on them … do SIEP, ask yourself, is it about them or you? Why are you feeling these emotions, what is nature teaching you?”

That was a bitter pill! Being vulnerable and truthful was really difficult. Difficult to let them see these selfish thoughts … this seemingly ‘not good’ side of me, afraid they will lose respect for me maybe even not love me anymore. But the truth has its power. It set me free. And it set them free. They saw is as my strength and their respect and love for me grew. They were grateful to me for owning up and being truthful.

The second one was even more difficult to do. To keep quiet. To not interfere especially when Elango is teaching them … to not interfere and defend them or not to warn them the mistakes they might make. It was extremely difficult for me to let them make mistakes. Elango explained how else are they going to learn? I learnt to let go. To let them be free, to be truly independent … to try and make mistakes and learn and grow … always reminding myself that we are fortunate to have Elango guide us, he will not let us fall … he is teaching.

2017 New Year Dinner  - Joyce & Rammya the other 2 pillars in their lives. 

Now, once again it’s about them. Our relationship has transformed to a higher level once again …  and they are smart kids, they know when to ask me for help when needed. They even know when to ask Elango and other ET Ideas Associates help and guidance when needed. I am truly proud of them and of myself and how we have grown … and they in turn are proud of me.

Heerraa, Harsha and me - working on Globetrotter Consultancy's client project

This happened a few months ago. Why am I writing this blog now? …. Because my heart asked me to write and the words flowed …  making sense of it, it maybe because many of my friends are in a similar juncture with their kids but may not be aware of what is happening to them … and even if they are aware, they don’t have Elango to guide them. Hope this sharing helps someone.

My best friends - my mum and my girls.