My Boracay Holiday – Lessons on being Selfish vs Selfless

This morning I woke up and my heart wanted me to write this blog. My mind was protesting that I don’t have time, I need to get ready for my appointment, I need to dry the laundry and a few other things in my ‘to do’ list … but my heart insisted, so here it goes….

Exactly a week ago Elango, Rammya and I were on a flight to Boracay, a really beautiful island in Philippines [a must go destination]. It’s a four hour flight so we all fell asleep for awhile and after the meals were served we had this mind blowing conversation which to me was like one of the most important lessons I have learned. To understand the conversation, I need to flash back to incidents that happened two weeks ago ….

On the flight to Boracay - 8 Jan 2016

I love working with people, sharing my relevant experiences as they grow, sharing the lessons I have learnt, helping people see a different perspective, solutions …  guiding others do SIEP*, showing people how the laws of nature is at work [www.ascendancepro.com] etc. However, a week ago as I was working with someone, it triggered my own emotions, I did SIEP and was okay for a while but then something else triggered me again and I got sucked into the world of wild emotions again and this repeated a few times until I could no longer do SIEP and lost all rationality. This really scared me and my mind said I am not stable myself, not consistent in doing SIEP and managing my own emotions; hence I am not ready to work with others yet. Another huge concern was I was working on my goals to do the ‘Be At Your Best’ program and being in a negative emotional realm will slow or even derail that. I told my mentor, Elango this and he agreed. He asked me to immediately stop working with anyone on emotional matters and only focus on my goals. My mind was happy. I immediately snapped out of the emotional whirlpool and could focus on my goals again. Convinced I was at that point that I had made the right decision.

The next few days were simply awesome. I was super focused on my goals. I set appointments with CEOs easily for the next whole week! Participants called me to sign up for the ‘Be At Your Best’ program. Anyone who called me to seek help on doing SIEP and managing their emotions, I asked them to talk to Elango. I was only focused on achieving my external goals. Along with successes I was having in marketing and signing up participants, some strange incidents started happening. One example was, in my meeting with one MD, an elderly gentleman; he suddenly was diverted into talking about his sexual problems which was totally not related to the topic of managing emotions. This took me aback but I managed to steer the conversation back to managing employee emotions and the ‘Be At Your Best’ program. However, this troubled me and I was asking myself ‘how did I attract this conversation?’ I told Elango this and he said, “Interesting …  we will talk about it later”. A few other incidents like this took place and again I was wondering how am I attracting all this unwanted conversations, situations and people.

Back to our conversation on the flight to Boracay …. Elango dropped this bombshell on me …  I had attracted the unwanted conversations, situations and people when I started focusing only on achieving my external goals and stopped working with people, I was being selfish. This strengthens my old subconscious programming and it presents people and scenarios that can take me on a downward cycle. In the past week, my old subconscious programming had built back the layers and is now stronger. I went palm to face and was dumbfounded.

He then explained, working with people … sharing your experience and helping them with the intention for them to grow is being selfless. Yes, it triggers emotions but that is how you learn how to manage your emotions and do SIEP better. This is how you grow. Since my goals now is to be happy, heathy and earn $$$, it strengthens the new programming of wanting to be happy.

Oh damn … I was tricked by my mind … but it was a very good learning experience. I have often wondered why I was finding it difficult to achieve my goals this time around albeit with Elango’s guidance. In the past I have achieved my external goals … my study goals, career goals, financial, family and relationship goals.  Now I understood that this time around my goal is to be happy and achieve my external goals. This requires a lot of clean-up within me, old habit patterns, old subconscious programmings and building new ones aligned to being happy. This time, I am growing inside and then only outside. This takes time and lots more effort in the initial stages. I was glad of the lesson I had learned and convinced more than ever on the current path I have chosen. Being selfless is the only path to personal growth … to know who I am?

Rammya and I exploring the beautiful beaches of Boracay - Ati Athihan festival parade in the background.

Rammya and I chilling out by the beach in Boracay

Over the next few days we had lots of fun exploring the white sandy beaches of Boracay. Many times I saw how strong my old subconscious programming had become. Thank you to Elango and Rammya, both took turns helping me snap out of it … to do SIEP … and we had an awesome holiday.

Dinner by the beach on our last night in Boracay.

On the last night during dinner, I brought the topic of being selfless up again. I asked Elango, how do I know what to say to someone to help them? How do I know that I am not causing them more harm? To this he answered, “Have it in your heart to genuinely help others, to see them grow and be happy and your heart will guide”. He gave a few examples of how I thought I was being selfless when I was helping others but my old sub had hijacked it by using certain words and gestures and made it selfish to take care of my own interest as was my earlier programming. He cautioned me to beware of what my old programming can do and gave me examples on how to say the same things but with a selfless effect. I nodded in silence, absorbing the very important lessons.

In a nutshell, the point I am trying to get across is that, achieving success externally is easy but achieving success and being happy, i.e. growing from within is difficult but it’s all that matters in the end!

*SIEP is the correct way of thinking to manage emotions and respond to people, events and situations instead of merely reacting. [www.globetrotterconsultancy.com.my]